you are
what makes life
a mystery

an endless puzzle
to put my pieces to

all i wish i had was you

an endless puzzle
to put my pieces to

On display
today
as a musical play
in 2108
the date
August 21st, 2008.

Act I

humanity
at its highest point
of farce

Act II

humanity is manipulated and lost

Act III

mindless armies are built

Act IV

is nothing.
an empty stage for ten minutes.

The work days went fast
looking through the lens
at someone as beautiful as her.
She was very really to me,
and told me
at the end of our last night together
after beautiful
cool
conversations,
and subtle
electric moments

“You see me.” She said
And i really did.
“I see you too.” She told me.

As i did the gentlemanly thing
and walked her to the elevators,
she proceeded
to tell me how she saw me,
and i don’t remember the things she said
but they were beautiful things,
the sound of her voice in my ear was enough
the breath of it so close to my ear was enough.
She totally appreciated everything about me,
spilling our guts out to each other
in our last minutes
approaching the elevator
“(name removed) loves you so much.”
“I love her a lot too.”
“I love you too.”
“I love you too.”
we got to the elevator
and stopped and hugged each other
letting the people go in without us
and we let go of each other,
and then,
we didn’t want to leave each other,
she didn’t want to leave
we hugged each other
again
and longer
and then i let go
and then
she stepped into the elevator
and hugged me once more
and kissed my cheek
so i kissed hers back
and i let go
and backed out of the elevator
and she blew me a kiss
as the doors
closed
and i did
something
like out of some
romantic tragedy
and caught it
with my hand.

Caesar’s Palace
empty on a
3am friday morning
except for me
writing poetry
on the backs
of betting lines.

it’s
the
mind–
when it
feels like

just then
is always when
it happens
and it
feels like

almost
but it was
and it is
and it’s still
what it
will
always
feel like
“the real thing”

I.

He’s a lucky man.
All i know is
you were not meant
to love me.
Your love is not for me.
I’ll never know it.

II. (Orlando Swamp Blues)

Got no one
to come home to
got no one waiting
for me, got no one
giving a fuck about me
except me
and it sets me
free.

it’s ok
i’ll
let it be
let her have all the losers
she wants
instead of me.

it’s ok
she let me go.
she showed me a song
about letting love die,
questioning it,
and said it reminded her
of her ex-boyfriend
she always speaks fondly of her love for
a fucking loser
she still seems in love with
and lets back in her life
got drunk with
and let fall asleep in her
bedroom.

I can let go of my emotion for that.

i thought she didn’t want me to let my love die for her,
i thought thats what she meant
by showing me that song,
but i guess she doesn’t give a fuck,
she only referenced that song
because she loves someone else
and it made her think of them
and not me.
She told me.
I don’t know why she ever showed me that song.

I can let go of my emotion for that too.

nothing she has ever felt in the pit of her heart
has ever had anything to do with me.

she let me go,
she let go of me,
she never even tried
to hold on to me,
or hold me…

i’m free;
a human who inspired all his greatest things on his own
and was rejected by everything he ever loved–
even this poetry.

World could end now
and i wouldn’t care.
I could step on the balcony
and watch mushroom clouds
grow in front of me
the world taking
the biggest hit
the biggest shit
and i would rather be
right here
to watch it
and die
suffering from
its radiation
that burns me
like loving you,
just to feel something
that makes me
feel
the same way
you do.

“Nice guys finish last
don’t they.”

I told her,
“I’d rather be a good guy with nobody.
I don’t give a fuck.”

How profound.

You’re right about what you said,
and i respect it.
I respect you for it.

It sets me free.

and here i am
and now you’re
sitting next to me
in the Hyatt bar
drinking a mojito
and there you are,
so beautiful to me,
in my room
on the balcony
and you’re so giddy
and quickly
the height thrills you
and you step back
inside and though
i want to i don’t…

In the glass elevator
I put my arms around you
from behind
“What, are you going to give me the Heimlich maneuver?”
Smartass…
You don’t pull away though…

I put my arms across your shoulders
once
more
before you disappeared.

I swear you were there,
it wasn’t a dream,
my reality a
nightmare,
inside
i scream for you.